By coincidence, on the day that one of my small handful of readers left a comment describing the Millennium Dome as an ‘Upturned Tupperware Dish’ I was planning to write about it in this, my next post. And that is because, now called the O2 Arena, I had just been there for the very first time.

Back in what were affectionately known as the ‘Swinging Sixties’ I spent a lot of my time in London having been raised at the nice end of the Central Line. Weekends were often spent travelling up to various points due west of Holborn and during those years, and my first two working years in Fleet Street, I grew to both love the city and to loathe it. Loved it for it’s vibrant undercurrents, it’s endless choices, it’s history – loathed it for it’s grubbiness, it’s decay and it’s overcrowded streets. London was a city that could charm one moment and appal the next and since those days trips to London have been more or less limited to necessity and have been planned as an incisive strike. Get in fast, do what is needed and no more, get out again as quickly as possible.

And then Mrs Swordfish bought me a delightful birthday present of tickets to see Eddie Izzard at the O2 Arena and we decided to stay a couple of nights in Leicester Square, take the Thames Clipper from Waterloo to Greenwich instead of using the tube and pay a visit to Harrods for some shopping.

And it was great. Well on the whole it was great. I did forget the rule that says if they describe a hotel as ’boutique’ and charge you £300 a night then you really do end up with a room that is crowded when there is more than one person in it. I mean you couldn’t have swung a cat in this room because the cat wouldn’t have been able to get in. But apart from that it was great. And to my great surprise, London – or at least that part of London – seems to have re-invented and re-invigorated itself. It’s looking really pretty good.

So – back to the O2 Arena. I too was one of those who grumbled at the building of the dome. It seemed to me ill-conceived and – as history shows – indeed it was. But what a truly magnificent structure it is. Stunningly beautiful as you edge around the bend in the river and you catch the first sight of it dominating the landscape, all lit up against the night sky. Same goes for the London Eye. A long, long time ago we could have built something like this and then there seemed to be a long period spanning a large part of the twentieth century where we lost our way. The old ‘Centre Point’ building was about as good as it got! It’s good to see that we have that vision back and have the will to undertake such projects.

And finally, we nipped in to St. Pancras Station to look at the renovations and were pleasantly surprised by what a great job has been done. Sadly, our train home meant using Kings Cross next door – a grim reminder of the ugly, dirty and neglected marriage of Victorian grandeur with mid to late twentieth century budget building.

Oh – and Eddie Izzard was great fun.

Yes it’s a Segway. Or – to give it it’s full title, a Segway Personal Transporter. A relatively common sight in many US cities and, I am told, European ones as well. Unless you happen to live in England that is, where I doubt very many people have seen one at all.

Probably, like me, you noticed the launch back in 2001, the hype surrounding the first video clips of it in use and, if I recall correctly, pictures of George Bush using one. And then, as far as us Brits go… nothing. I suspect most of us old enough to remember probably placed it in the same category as the Sinclair C5 and promptly forgot about it again. If you still don’t know what I am talking about then wikipedia as always, offers a quick memory refresh.

I have to admit that I had forgotten all about them. But that changed back in October when, encouraged by my son who had tried one, Mrs Swordfish and I booked a Segway tour of Washington DC and for me at least it was an instant ‘poop poop’¹ moment. I was in love with a machine.

With a top speed of around 12 miles an hour and a range of about 24 miles per battery charge, the Segway is truly a remarkable ‘vehicle’, perfect for those quick, short trips where you know you shouldn’t take your car but always do. They are amazingly easy to master and control and are incredibly manoeuvrable. And they are, simply, great fun!

And they are also illegal.

Our beloved government – the ones who promote using public transport over the car, who want us all to be ‘greener’ and care about the environment, who steal more cash from us for driving higher CO2 emission vehicles in the thinly veiled fight against global warming – invoked the Highway Act of 1835 – yes you read that correctly – confining the Segway to private land use only.

The 1835 Highway Act – to put it simply – bans wheeled vehicles from public pavements. In 1835 this meant a horse and cart. The Segway is not allowed on public roads because it is neither a car or a motorbike and therefore can not be taxed or have a license plate. And in a country where the building of cycle pathways has actually been pretty good you can’t use a Segway because it is motorised.

The 1835 Highway Act did not, of course, envisage the rise of the automobile or the motor bike. It did not envisage the bicycle either. Curiously, all three date from about 1885 a full 50 years after the Act arrived on the statute books. Steam powered vehicles might have been a small problem but in 1835 I doubt many people had seen one and Traction Engines were not really developed until around 1850-1860. Invoking such an archaic law in the year 2002 is ludicrous, short-sighted and beyond belief. If I didn’t know better I would suspect the ulterior motive of tax revenue. Nah… couldn’t be.

There is an active but sadly ill-supported campaign to get the humble Segway legalised in the UK – even if only on cycle pathways. This would simply require a small change to legislation such as happened for the ’scooters’ used by the handicapped that are allowed to go just about anywhere their owners want them to go. Well cycle ways, pavements, and minor roads at least.

I implore anyone reading this – whether you like the idea of the Segway or not – to sign the petition at the campaign website. Do it because it is the right thing to do. Do it because we have had enough of stupid, archaic laws being used to strip away our freedoms. Do it because technology like the Segway needs to be championed if we are ever to move beyond petrol driven vehicles.

But most of all – please do it because I want one.

(¹ In case you don’t know, ‘poop poop’ comes from Kenneth Graham’s children’s novel The Wind in the Willows and was the sound made by the first motor car seen by Mr Toad (the horn of course) who was instantly bewitched and sat, on the side of the road in a daze intoning the mantra ‘poop poop’.)

I missed this when it was reported but the anger is not diminished because of that. Austrian tourists Klaus Matzka and his teenage son Loris, on a recent visit to London, did what all tourists do – they took photographs. Photographs of buildings, photographs of London Buses and one – believe it or not – of Vauxhall underground station. They apparently liked the architecture. They also snapped a couple of London bobbies but it was to be their undoing when the policemen then forced them to delete all the photos from their camera. The police also took details on the pair including their passport numbers.

Under Section 76 of the Counter-Terrorism Act 2008, photographing a policeman within the city can land you a fine or a 10-year prison sentence. Did you know that? Which brings us to the crux of the problem. The attacks on our London bus and tube network in July 2007 were an outrage that we shall not easily forget and dealing with the aftermath of such an attack is a tricky business.

At one end of the scale is the stance that, as a nation, we don’t give in to terrorism. Life goes on as usual with the threat of another attack always just around the corner. We hunt down the perpetrators, we improve our intelligence gathering so as to thwart other attacks wherever possible but we stand tall and proud and state clearly that this is our way of life and a small band of people intent on destroying that will change nothing.

At the other end of the scale we pass all kinds of draconian laws, start to limit peoples freedoms, ban people from gathering in large groups in ’sensitive’ places and grant the police powers that will induce wet-dreams to all those that love the uniform and authority. And this is exactly what our political masters have done.

The problem, of course, is that the government still recites the mantra that we do not give in to terrorism. But the actions that have been taken do exactly that. Our way of life and our freedoms, so carefully won over centuries of our history as a nation, are being stripped away piece by piece and this is not only ‘giving in to terrorists’ – it is rewarding them with exactly what they want.

The United Kingdom has the extremely dubious honour of having more public CCTV cameras than any other in the world (for its population size).

A 2007 report by the UK’s Information Commissioner’s Office, highlighted the need for the public to be made more aware of the “creeping encroachment” into their civil liberties created by the growing use of surveillance apparatus. A year prior to the report Richard Thomas, the Information Commissioner, warned that Britain was “sleepwalking into a surveillance society”.

It also appears that we are equally sleepwalking into the beginnings of a Police State. This weeks news that the Home Office intends to go ahead with demanding that Internet service and cell phone service providers record and keep data on every phone call we make, every website we visit, every email we send and every contact made through the web or instant messaging systems, is proof of the decline of our basic freedoms and the encroachment into every part of our lives of ‘authority’. Wikipedia defines a Police State as one:

in which the government exercises rigid and repressive controls over the social, economic and political life of the population. A police state typically exhibits elements of totalitarianism and social control, and there is usually little or no distinction between the law and the exercise of political power by the executive.

The inhabitants of a police state experience restrictions on their mobility, and on their freedom to express or communicate political or other views, which are subject to police monitoring or enforcement. Political control may be exerted by means of a secret police force which operates outside the boundaries normally imposed by a constitutional state.

Ask a native of Britain if they live in a Police State and they will almost certainly laugh at the very notion. Examine the evidence of state behaviour – surveillance, monitoring of communications, detention without charge, restrictions of movement, restrictions on gathering in groups and the right to publicly protest and it becomes a little clearer that we are teetering on the edge of a new era that contradicts everything this country has stood for up until now.

Ask Klaus Matzka and his son Loris and they will almost certainly answer that this new era has already arrived.

It’s that time again. As I sit and type this England has just slipped into the early hours of it’s national day which, I suspect, will continue with a fizzle and die without even a whimper.

And what progress has been achieved over the last year to restore England to political democracy? Bugger all as far as I can tell. Our ‘British’ Prime Minister and Chancellor have largely been let off the hook while we all worry about disappearing savings, vanishing jobs and the sorry state of Scottish banks.

Her Majesties Opposition are still a load of bumbling fools who refuse to recognise what is right in front of their noses and Her Majesty herself – perhaps one person who could shake things up a little with a bit of a word her and there – remains obstinately quiet on the subject of her botched and disintegrating Union. But she has, of course, always had a foot in both camps… with a touch of German ancestry thrown in.

I find it somewhat bizarre and deeply sad that the one, lone public voice willing to stand up for the English and for England is a black Ugandan. John Sentamu – Archbishop of York is the one man promoting the England that out political masters are busily dismantling and it is both a credit to him and a damning indictment of them.

Do take a few moments to read his speech on Englishness which should put every Englishman to shame for not taking to the streets in disgust.

And what was it I was going to say? Oh yes. Happy St. George’s Day.

We learned last week that our beloved leaders want to give us a say on the quality of the services we receive. This was likened to EBay’s feedback points system where we could rate our local doctor, school, council, police etc. This is, of course, just another sop to make it look like we can get involved in the decision making process as well as a device to create a whole new government department to monitor, compile results and publish yet more pointless ‘reports’.
To be worthwhile, a proposal like this has to be given teeth. If we knew that a specific target rating would trigger change of some sort then we might go for it. But we know better of course. We wont be able to remove a policeman from the local force or a judge from the bench or the local traffic and road planner from his cushy job in the town hall. And, more importantly, there was no mention of being able to rate our local MP, our government or our Minister’s – which just might grab peoples attention.

England’s Chief Medical Officer, Sir Liam Donaldson – who I will not get the chance to ‘rate’ – has proposed a minimum price per unit of alcohol to try and curb binge drinking by the lads and ladettes who plague our night-time streets fuelled to their empty brains on cheap supermarket booze. The idiot said that this would ‘not effect moderate drinkers’. Well – I am a moderate drinker so how do I avoid the price hike? Do I get a special ‘Moderate Drinkers Club’ card to flash in the off-license? Do I swear an oath at the Waitrose checkout every time I replenish my stock of Glenfiddich? Or do I just stump up the extra cash and swear at Donaldson for this perpetual government policy of punishment of the many for the crimes of the few?

Should I not be suitably angered to learn that the Royal Bank of Scotland – having accepted billions of pounds in bale-out funds from the UK taxpayer – has promised to pump some of it back in mortgage money – but only in Scotland? I will be interested to see what Brown and his Darling get up to when they are finally booted out of the political arena.

As a life long fan of The Pink Floyd who will never now, of course, perform again, I looked up details on ‘Think Floyd’, supposedly one of the better tribute bands who are performing in a theatre near me in April. During the course of this exercise, I found a list of Pink Floyd tribute bands from around the world. There seems to be a bit of a glut. If asked, I would have guessed that maybe there were a couple in the UK but that would have severely underestimated those seeking their pleasure pretending to be someone else. Current number of such bands in the UK? 88. Worrying isn’t it?