Dear Tony

You’ll be pleased to know that just for a change, I’m writing not to criticise but to congratulate! And I promise I wont mention Scotland. Or Wales for that matter. And the reason for my congratulations? I’ve just read the report entitled ‘United Kingdom – Human Rights: A Broken Promise’ from those pesky troublemakers at Amnesty International and immediately felt I had to write to show my support for everything you and your colleagues are doing on our behalf.

It takes a gutsy and forward-thinking leader to implement the kinds of laws and regulations your government is working hard to achieve and I applaud your effort in the face of these left-wing, pinko, gay-loving incense eaters. Keep up the good work!

I particularly didn’t think it was fair of this liberal-minded organisation to quote from the 1997 Labour party manifesto:

“Citizens should have statutory rights to enforce their human rights in the UK courts. We will by statute incorporate the European Convention on Human Rights into UK law to bring these rights home and allow our people access to them in their national courts. The incorporation of the European Convention will establish a floor, not a ceiling, for human rights.”

The honest citizens of this country understand why you’ve had to ditch these laudatory promises in favour of tougher restrictions on our hard-won freedoms. We understand why we all need to carry ID cards. We can see just why it is that some people have to be locked up without trial. And what an absolute brilliant idea it is to not even tell them why! Brilliant! I bet they’re all bloody Amnesty International card-carrying Trots the lot of them.

–Page 2 –

Oh! I had to have a little sit down there with a nice cup of tea.

I was gratified to see though, that they did admit that you warned us all after the London bombings:

“Let no one be in any doubt. The rules of the game are changing.” That’s what you said and that’s what you meant. And all the hard working, honest citizens of Britain have rallied to the cause. Well most of us anyway. Apart from those rotting away in jail of course.

But did you see what those salad dressers said next? I quote:

“After the events of 7 and 21 July 2005 in London, more draconian measures were proposed. These included a new Terrorism Bill currently before Parliament. Some of its most sweeping and vague provisions, if enacted, would undermine the rights to freedom of expression, association, liberty and fair trial.”

Well – don’t let it worry you Tony. Us honest Brits don’t care about freedom of expression, liberty and fair trials. Our fine government does all the expressing we could hope for and as long as I can sit down the pub of an evening with a beer and smoke a fag then I’ve got all the liberty I need haven’t I? As to fair trials – who needs them? Lock them all up I say starting with that unwashed lot at Amnesty bloody International.

Anyway – I wanted you to know that you have my support in this fight against freedom and liberty as well as, I believe, the support of the nation. Which leads me to your masterstroke – the Legislative and Regulatory Reform Bill. What a piece of genius this is.

–Page 3 –

It’s way past time that the Prime Minister and his cabinet should be able to circumvent Parliament altogether. I mean just look at them. Half of your lot probably belong to Amnesty International and believe in the United Nations and the other half all vote Tory. Wasters the lot of them. It’s only right that you should be able to introduce new laws and change old ones without asking that lot to vote on it first. Brilliant. An idea first mooted, I believe, by the late Oswald Mosley – himself denied political power of course – but put into practice with remarkable results by Mr Adolf Hitler. I congratulate you on having the daring to promote this legislation. Very impressive indeed!

Hang on a minute Tony. My other half has just read this letter in case she wanted to add anything and she informs me that actually, I won’t be able to sit in the local pub with a beer and cigarette any more. I’m devastated. Actually I’m enraged that such a basic freedom should be denied me. It is my right to smoke if I choose and I don’t see why you or your government should have any say with how I conduct my life. That’s putting your nose in where it’s not wanted – my personal liberty.

I’m very disappointed.

Best regards as always – well almost – and please have a word with John. Tell him it’s all right to be stupid but he could make a better job of hiding it.